So I haven't been updating much because I don't have much new to say.

It's like all of my posts are me complaining about what happened with Danika, and It sucks because right now that's pretty much what consumes my life. I don't have a job, so it's not like I have that as a distraction and I don't really care what anyone says, but this is quite possibly the most painful thing that could happen to a person. I'm trying to get better and the harder I try, the worse I feel, it's a weird cycle.

I found out bad news at the doctors on Friday, which I should be used to by now. I'll get into it more later but basically I'm at a huge risk of needed to get a hysterectomy. Especially if I get pregnant again. It's awesome. I gotta love my life sometimes.

I'm evaluating relationships that I have with a couple of people and I'm trying to decide if I can keep them going. There are a couple people that I love, one of them I love more than they really understand, but it's like my love goes unappreciated as does my friendship and I don't really know if I can continue to be friends with people that don't truly appreciate me. Especially when they are people that I love. I hate being in one sided things and I hate knowing that if I did end up walking away from them, it would go pretty much unnoticed. I hate the fact that girls like me are a dime a dozen and that I am pretty much easily replaceable if I think about it. Knowing that breaks my heart just as much as losing Danika does.

I'm really not as strong as everyone thinks I am.

I don't listen to coldplay very often, but I came across the lyrics of this song today and it made me cry, I think it spells out how I feel just a little too well.

"Fix You"

When you try your best, but you don't succeed
When you get what you want, but not what you need
When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone, but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Tears stream down your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down your face
And I...

Tears stream down on your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down your face
And I...

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you